What Lies Beneath

Today I sat in a windowless, airless conference room at an airport hotel in a city which shall remain nameless. I sat with strangers and listened to material I already know by heart not because I wanted to, but because I was required to be there. Because I try to make it a practice to be present and participate in my own life, I listened carefully to the speaker with fully 15% of my brain, and I feel a better person for it. With the other 85%, I thought of distant friends, and what we used to talk about, and missed their conversation. Here's what I would have rather talked about today.

The nature of God. Fermat's theorem. Foucault's pendulum. Tolstoy and Dostoevsky and David Sedaris. Exactly how hot so and so's tush is. How to solve the homeless problem. Why people who want children don't get them, and people who don't seem to get plenty, and then treat them very badly. The need for a good train system in America. How equal parts tequila, triple sec and fresh lime juice make the very best margarita. How excellent Barbara Kingsolvers' or Joanne Harris' latest book is. How if you happen to slip and fall under James Franco or Javier Bardem on an icy street you will not be held accountable for your actions. Who you are voting for and why. Why it is that some men seem to think that if they say something that is clearly wrong in a reasonable tone of voice, you will somehow not notice and agree with them. How incredibly long it takes to finish the doctorate. How great it is to be able to say with credibility, "Trust me, I'm a doctor." Travel. The desire for love, the need for freedom. How to live a life that matters. Was marriage a good idea? Would we have lived more deliciously in sin? What is sin exactly, who gets to decide, and why? Is Mascagni better than Puccinni? Stones or Beatles? Smooth or chunky? Spit or swallow? How to be calm, cool, graceful, coherent, inspiring, inscrutable and She Who Must Be Obeyed in the classroom, courtroom, board room, briefing room and surgical bay. How you want the sun, the moon and the stars, but tonight would settle for a foot massage, two glasses of moderately-priced wine and a few semi-sincere compliments from a guy with an at least average IQ, reasonable hygiene and no felony record. How great it would be for someone, occasionally anyone, who for one tiny once isn't you, to make the indicative move. The list of women you would consider doing it with if you happened to be lesbian and they were too. Times you fell asleep while driving, and where you woke up. Ten things you're damn glad you never did. Twenty things you're only sorry you didn't do sooner. Silly things you used to believe, and when you stopped believing them. This year's candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize. Is the universe expanding or contracting? Boxers or briefs? What to get pierced next. Does anyone really care about Lindsay Lohan? The battle for tenure. Is that a new wrinkle? How to cure guinea worm. Why we always have enough money for more bombs, but not for bread and medical care. The best investments to make which mechanics are trustworthy. Does anyone have a holy clue what 'pompatus of love' means? Is it Latin? How to eliminate poverty, violence, prejudice, cancer, pain, cellulite. Have you ever gone out without your knickers? And did you get better service from the waiter? The little cat that has shown up on your doorstep and whether or not you are going to feed him. Of course you are. How to make the right contacts for promotion. What if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about? Possibilities for peace on earth. How incredible life is, how unbelievably short, and how damn fast it goes.