In which miracles are performed, WD40 is debunked, and yet another science nerd is eyed suspiciously

My day is not complete until I am eyed suspiciously by at least one person, and preferably three. Luckily for me, this quota is not hard to meet on any given day, given my range of super powers, fluent (if chemistry-laden) vocabulary and the ability to cure chronic dizziness with a single corrective maneuver.

Last week a patient I have been treating described a hallmark symptom of BPPV, or benign positional paroxysmal vertigo, a common condition of the vestibular system in which the otoconia are displaced in the semicircular canals, producing a differential in the right/left firing rate, nystagmus upon testing with the Dix-Hallpike Maneuver and sensations of nausea, dizziness, room spins and occasional vomiting. If your eyes are glazing over and you are seeing my lips move but hearing "Blah blah, blah blahblahblah" you are not alone. If you can hear me, just keep nodding, and squeeze my fingers.

It's one of my very favorite conditions to treat, because it's so immediate, satisfactory, and usually leads to downright worshipful behavior on the part of your patient. Like many corrective maneuvers regularly performed by physical therapists, it has been known to produce shock and awe. "I can't figure out what you DID!" "It worked, but I don't understand WHY!" "The dizziness is GONE!" I freely admit that after this kind of success and praise, I am sorely tempted to strut, swagger, brag and preen. Oh hell yeah, I think. I'm BAD. I'm NATIONWIDE. Hot Chocolate singing "You Sexy Thing" begins to play in my head, as I suppose it does for all super-heroes.

This lovely daydream and charming musical interlude lasted a full 15 seconds until I was shaken back to reality by the very same patient who was now eyeing me with suspicion as I tried to explain about the otoconia, hair cells, nystagmus and why WD40 would not help joint pain, but how the body's equivalent, hyaline cartilage and hyaluronic acid, probably would. Dyed-in-the-wool organic chemistry nerd that I am, I very nearly pulled cotton balls and tongue depressors from my bag to make a convincing 3-D model, but I managed to restrain myself. Have just cured the patient of room spins due to displaced otoconia in the endolymph, I didn't want to make his eyes spin from boredom.